“It's coming on Christmas They're cutting down trees They're putting up reindeer And singing songs of joy and peace Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” – Joni Mitchell I’ve always had a dysfunctional relationship with Christmas. December was usually a black month for me. Breakups, catastrophes, lost jobs, shattered illusions, disappointments, the Yule log like a spiritual walk on hot coals, the seasonal soundtrack a screeching aural torture, wrapped in the grimace of enforced frivolity, the Ho-Ho-Ho cheesiness, any kind of sincere sentiment drowned out by rampant materialism, faked piety, debt accumulation, the aggressive one-upmanship of gift giving, the delinquent uplifting promises of rejuvenation, the emotional letdown the day after, and the day after that, until you face the new year shocked and stunned and speechless. Most years, I just waited it out, existed in a cocoon of noncompliance. Did my best to connect with far-flung friends, opened my house and cooked meals for those separated from their families, made presents, faked interest. Though December always scarred me, it never really showed except to those who knew me best. Is there a word or phrase for those who have problems with Christmas? I nominate Christmaphoebic. Or Jingle Bell’s palsy. Or chestnuts roasting on your open bile. I looked back at a journal entry for December 2002 and read this Christmas card I wrote to myself: I see Jesus hanging on a Christmas tree decorated with lights. He is bleeding and covered with tinsel and strung popcorn, wearing a crown of 25% off vouchers from your favorite stores. And up on the roof, three crack addicts are trying to figure out a way to break into the chimney. The reindeer have long ago been eaten. Save yourself, go out the back door, don’t look back and don’t stop running. And run I did, in 2003. When I moved to Costa Rica, Christmas was a whole different scene. Almost everyone had three weeks off work to celebrate it. By law, everyone received a bonus of a month’s pay. Everyone had time off from work and money to spend. There were night parades, festivals, trips to the beach, Costa Rican bullfighting where the bull chases groups of locos who try to touch it around the ring, and every night from the 12th leading up to Christmas, crowds would gather in downtown San Jose on the pedestrian boulevard to toss white confetti at each other, representing snow, and it stuck to your clothes and got in your hair and piled up on the sidewalks until it actually looked like real snow. It was an absurd but wonderful tradition. But it was my adopted Costa Rican family who really began rehabilitating Christmas for me. Their focus was more about gathering together, feasting, dancing and singing, all the neighbors invited, and little by little, the ice was chipped from my heart and I began to look forward to their seasonal celebrations in a barrio called Corazon de Jesus, where I was always welcomed with gusto and treated like a king. I was still Christmaphoebic, but recovering. When I moved to China, I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with Christmas. Yet, pasted on every store and in every window there are Santa Claus decorations. The school I teach at is as festively decorated as any in the United States. This week I have been teaching my students how to draw Christmas trees. Hypocrisy, I know thee intimately. I wonder where are the three wise men wandering these days? And what gifts would they bring a newly born modern day messiah? If you couldn’t buy a gift, and could only wish for something, what would you wish for? Does Christmas make you a better person? Where is Christmas going? What can we put behind us to make it more meaningful? I have a wish that I wish for you and it is simply this: be good to yourself. Be good to others. Create magic. Pay it forward. Let your love out. Believe in peace. Realize that you can create all of the above and then some. Expand into yourself. Tip your hat to life. Exhale slowly. “It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees, they’re putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace, oh . . . I wish I had a river . . . I could skate AWAY . . . ON . . . through the silent, silent night, of all the Christmas poems . . . we write . . . to . . . skate away on . . . oh-oh mymymymy . . . I wish I had a blues song I could fade away on . . . oh yah yah yah yah yah.
Maybe someday, I will get Christmas. “Buddha would've been a saint had he been a christian.” — Marco Polo “I am awaiting perpetually and forever a renaissance of wonder.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti Tonight it was trying to snow, lazy snowflakes melting on the sidewalk, falling on the sword for Christmas.
4 Comments
Mary
12/23/2012 11:06:47 pm
Merry Christmas ee!!!!! I think you already got it!!!! Your sentence..be good to yourself. Be good to others. Create magic. Pay it forward. Let your love out. Believe in peace. Realize that you can create all of the above and then some. Expand into yourself. Tip your hat to life. Exhale slowly. That's the true meaning of Christmas have fun and enjoy life!!! We had you last year it was fun now you are far far away but you are with us in spirit....enjoy China I think China is so so good for you....love ya M
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mary
12/25/2012 10:00:50 pm
ee is that you in disguse on the door...the Santa face looks like your blue eyes!!!!!!!
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ElvisEnglish
12/26/2012 12:17:47 pm
----umm, no . . .
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10/13/2018 01:45:07 am
This article is very useful, thank you for sharing. And allow me to share articles too, it's about health and treatment. God willing
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