If there is a parallel universe, I think most expats would agree it is most definitely China. When you first arrive, everything seems so very strange, so strikingly out of the ordinary, getting stranger and stranger until you become immune to it, following everyday trails blazed by habit, then one day as you’re surfing another wave of everyday life, you face a very scary moment when you wake up and look around and realize everything is beginning to appear normal. It reminds me of a cloudless night back when I was in high school and the dad of one of my friends set up a telescope in the backyard to show us the rings of Saturn. One by one, we all stepped up to look through the eyepiece and each exclaimed, “Wow! It’s moving.” After patiently explaining the illusion, the sixth time it happened the father burst out, irate and emphatic, “It’s not moving, WE’RE moving.”
He didn’t say idiots, but it was implied, and of course it became a joke among us to signify something that was so apparently obvious to everyone except those actually viewing it. And so, when I faced that China moment when things seemed normal, I blurted out, “It’s not moving, WE’RE moving.” Most locals on the street ignored me, some smiled and moved away, some turned thoughtful as if I’d said something profound, others happily laughed along with me, agreeing it’s not everyday you see a laowai (foreigner) losing his mind so publicly right there on the crowded street. But nothing is lost without being replaced by something else. To lose your mind you gain another mind. I walked on thinking what have I gained, what has been replaced? It reminded me of a haiku I wrote: Brave little sparrow pecking a cigarette butt all those slapping feet. I accuse myself of trying to figure out a culture by analyzing things it treats as unimportant. By the things no one will admit. By the things everyone takes for granted as being true. Lines form in my head as pro and con but from whose perspective? Somewhere in my mind I hear the urging: Lose perspective. Look. See. I read somewhere that we are made up of two things: belief and the truth. The more you abandon your beliefs, the more truth you will gain. I am trying to gain. I see change in me, subtlety, in what seem to be meaningless events: Something appearing suddenly that I’ve been searching for. Kindness offered because I am expecting it. A gracious gesture on the part of a stranger that makes me smile at everyone else, leading into a day when people respond to me in wonderful and unforeseen ways. It all adds up to lose this gain this. Stop seeing see. Stop belief believe. Like seeing the whirlpool funnel of a fingerprint. The thorns of a rose moving in opposite spirals. Stars whirling in concentric circles around the night sky and reappearing as seeds in an apple slice. The best thing I’ve learned in China is stillness. And in stillness we can begin. I remember the Van Gogh whirling stars. He knew. I am just catching up.
3 Comments
Brujita
5/8/2013 05:58:33 am
Stillness.. Haiku.. details most people don´t see.. details created just for u & me.. we introduce our selves to these details every day, they talk to us about hiden ways of admire life & people... give us more & more magical excuses to keep creating Haiku,.. to keep moving.. we are moving.. we are alive.. & this is the most beautiful Haiku.. Us. ps: your inspirational work made my day.. sublime and very you my dear friend Elvis brujito. Namaste
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Mar
5/8/2013 06:03:08 am
Love this one so true need to stop.. see ...believe... like kids once again and it will be a better place. China is a great spot for you!!! It was reported on the news last night that China and Mexico now have so much money and all they want to buy now is "Made in America" ...good for us I guess!!! Lv ya M
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jude lyon
5/23/2013 09:20:05 am
...inevitable, dear philosopher...you've gone from the observer to the observed, then spiralled out and into harmonious oblivion. beautiful creator.. now turned beautiful thinker... now turned. love your work, dear! love it! j
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